Don’t let me be lonely

The end of the year is fast approaching – a new one sits perched on the horizon. I’m not big on resolutions, never have been – but this year, I created “I Will” statements. I even framed the little suckers so I can stare at them each and every single day of 2010. I figured if I created “I Will” statements, then I would feel more motivated to stay on track and hold myself accountable. Instead of “I hope” – I am saying “I will” to a variety of things in 2010.

At the bottom of that list is “be open, dive in, be free.” A lovely little mantra circa my SARK-days when I was healing and learning how to re-focus my energy toward more positive things. I find it ironic that my very first entry of 2009 was a reflection on how much I hate the holidays – in particular, New Year’s Eve. I simply hate it. I know I get cranky and selfish as the damn clock winds down to midnight. It’s like that magic time holds a portal for Satan to walk in and stomp all over my aching heart. This year, I pray that I am strong and focus on the current environment – not on the poor me scenario that I fall victim to every year. I am so tired of the want and the desire and the will to do nothing about it, but complain. I want to be open to what God has planned for me. Wide open. I don’t want to be afraid of letting a man in to my life, close to my heart – close enough to actually hold it. I want it more than I want anything else in this world.

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~ by learningtogrow on December 30, 2009.